“Bullying isn’t just about the bully and the victim—it’s about the bystanders, the environment, and the systems that allow it to continue.”

– Heather Resnick, Toronto Holocaust Museum Volunteer

Heather’s Story: “I was a bully”

Heather Resnick reached out to YouthSpeak’ to share her journey about being a bully and now advocating for others. She hopes to share lessons for youth about breaking the cycle of bad habits and being able to change and grow. 

Bullying is often seen as a black-and-white issue—there’s the bully and the person being bullied. But what happens when someone falls into both roles? This conversation is a must-listen for young people struggling with bullying—whether they’ve experienced it, participated in it, or simply want to be part of the solution.

From Victim to Bully: How It Happens

Heather recalls being a shy, quiet child who didn’t quite fit in. She believes that is what made her an easy target. 

She describes the experience of being bullied as:

“I remember feeling completely powerless, like I had no control over what was happening to me.”

She explains how the pain of being bullied eventually led her to change her own behaviour and lash out. She describes how bullying became a way to cope—a way to protect herself from further harm. 

Supporting Without Overstepping

“It’s important to let them take the lead when they’re ready, but always be there in the background. Support them, but don’t overwhelm them.”

Heather admits she didn’t realize at the time that through her change in behaviour, she was becoming a bully herself.

“In my mind, I was just doing what I had to do to survive. I wasn’t thinking about the impact I was having on others.”

It wasn’t until much later, through deep reflection and education, that she saw the full picture.

“I thought that by turning into the aggressor, I would feel stronger. But in reality, it just made me feel worse.”

Breaking the Cycle: How Heather Changed

Heather shares that her turning point was inspired by a combination of factors—conversations with supportive people, learning about the history of oppression, and seeing the parallels between small-scale bullying and larger societal issues.

“It takes a lot of courage to admit when you’ve hurt someone, but accountability is the first step to real change.”

She found a new purpose in advocacy, working to educate others about the effects of bullying and how to break free from its cycle.

“When we understand history, we understand how small acts of hatred can escalate into something much bigger. That’s why education is key.”

Now, as a volunteer at the Toronto Holocaust Museum, Heather uses her experiences to teach youth about the importance of kindness, empathy, and standing up against injustice.

“If you’re stuck in the cycle—whether you’re being bullied or doing the bullying—know that it’s never too late to change.“

Recognizing the Signs: Are You in the Cycle?

Understanding the indicators of being involved in the bullying cycle is crucial for both youth and parents. Here are some signs to be aware of:

For Victims:

• Withdrawal: Avoiding social interactions or activities they once enjoyed.
• Anxiety: Exhibiting nervousness, especially in specific settings like school.
• Unexplained Injuries: Physical marks or injuries without a clear explanation.

For Those Exhibiting Bullying Behavior:

• Aggression: Frequent involvement in physical or verbal fights.
• Dominance: A need to control or dominate peers.
• Blame-Shiftin

Recognizing these signs is the first step toward intervention and healing.

Heather’s Message to Parents and Educators

Heather also shares advice for parents and educators who want to support youth in navigating bullying situations.

For Parents:

• Keep an Open Dialogue: Encourage your child to share their experiences without fear of punishment or dismissal.
• Model Healthy Communication: Show them how to handle conflict with respect and understanding.
• Monitor Online Activity: Cyberbullying is real—stay engaged with your child’s digital life.

For Educators:

• Encourage Empathy: Incorporate discussions about kindness, diversity, and history into lessons.
• Create Safe Spaces: Foster a classroom culture where students feel safe speaking up.
• Address Issues Early: Don’t ignore small acts of bullying—address them before they escalate.

Heather reminds parents,

“Your involvement and support are crucial in helping your child navigate these challenges and grow into a compassionate individual.”

Heather’s story is a reminder that bullying is never as simple as “good vs. bad.” It’s a complex cycle, but one that can be broken with awareness, accountability, and kindness.

Her journey from being bullied to becoming a bully—and finally, to becoming an advocate—shows that change is always possible. No matter what role you’ve played in the past, you have the power to make a difference moving forward.

Her final piece of advice is this:

“Each of us has the power to make a difference. It starts with choosing kindness and speaking out against wrongs.”

Heather encourages everyone to learn more about the Toronto Holocaust Museum here: https://www.torontoholocaustmuseum.org

To hear the full conversation, watch the episode here:

YouthSpeak is a charity organization based in the GTA, Canada that conducts assemblies and interactive workshops to help increase the resiliency of youth facing challenges today. To find out more about our projects and initiatives, visit https://youthspeak.ca/. Help support our For-Youth-by-Youth projects by donating at: https://www.canadahelps.org/en/pages/i-support-youthspeak